THERE are two kinds of angry people — explosive and implosive. And as Jack Nicholson tells Adam Sandler in the film Anger Management, "Explosive is the type of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and then finally shoots everyone in the store."
That pretty much sums up the need for anger management. Put simply, don't get mad, don't get even and learn to calm down. However, this is difficult to do when the maid suddenly doesn't turn up, your boss asks for a report way before the deadline or an urgent flight gets incessantly delayed.
Experts tend to believe that anger is merely the symptom of a far deeper problem. Says Rohini Singh, EFT practitioner and author of The Only Way Out is Within, "Some people are just chronically angry and in the habit of being angry. Giving in to their demands is like offering an alcoholic a drink." If you scratch below the surface, there's a lot of pain and hurt that needs to be addressed. Singh adds, "We have to learn to manage the pain, before one explodes."
Psychologist Varsha Patkar points out that the treatment plan calls for a lifestyle change so that patients learn to "respond rather than react". She, along with her husband Sachin Patkar, recently treated Big Boss contestant and actress Shweta Tiwari's ex-husband Raja Chowdhury who seemed to have lost all his bearings in full public glare as he had cases of verbal and physical abuse slapped against him.
Explains Patkar, "Raja was on a short fuse. We believe in empowering our clients with the three A’s — awareness, acceptance, action and then teach them problem-solving techniques. Discipline is also important." She adds, "When an emotion begins to hamper you and your family life, it's time to seek the help of a counselor. We should learn from our mistakes and cut down on expectations which set us up for disappointments."
Control anger before it controls you. Instead of slamming the door when you're angry or throwing knives at your partner, as Angelina Jolie has been rumored to do after learning the skill on the sets of her film Tomb Raider — learn to approach the problem in a straightforward manner.
Intra-communications trainer Vikram Badhwar uses a 15-minute movement meditation technique in his sessions, performed to music, where one focuses their anger on an irksome issue. It's difficult to cross the initial stages of anger, he says, without breaking down.
He explains, "Underneath every anger lies fear. Anger is nothing but a defence mechanism. An angry, young man is not charming; what we aim for is a build-up of contagious energy, where one is contained and in acceptance of everything about themselves, including the emotion of anger."
There are various triggers for anger ranging from mild irritation to violent outbursts. For instance, psychologist Seema Hingorrany talks about an aggressive child, whose real problem lay in an over-disciplinarian and overcritical mother; a 55-year-old man, with a Type A personality who always wanted things to go her way and a young man who felt stress and depression build up after witnessing the 26/11 terror attacks.
Hingorrany says, "Anger stimulates the release of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol into the bloodstream, which mobilize the body in the short term, but can be destructive if chronic." Pent-up anger can also lead to a rise in blood pressure and ulcers.
To deal with stress and anger, Badhwar suggests spending 10 minutes of quality time on your own everyday or sipping a cup of tulsi chai. The key, though, is to remember that a temper is the one thing you can't get rid of by losing it!
What do you think ?
One day a friend and I were celebrating his promotion and we ordered one medium Pizza with a soft drink home. We were hungry and after waiting impatiently for the pizza for 25 minutes, we called up the pizza corner again to know the time they would take for the delivery. They assured us that it would be delieverd any time within 30 minutes. As the time crossed the half hour mark, we got hungrier, but also became happy since now we wouldn't have to pay for it (since it was beyond their promised 30 minute delivery time.)
Our pizza reached us after 38 minutes and he appologied and handed us the bill with the pizza. My friend asked him the the reason for delay to which he replied that he had been misdirected and hence got lost. We politely told him that we wouldn't pay him since the pizza came late.'You could have called us up if you couldn't find the house,' we argued.
'Don't do that, please,' he implored. 'This is my first job..my boss will fire me. In future i would make sure not to repeat the mistake. M'am please do not call my boss this is my request"
We wondered what to do. After hearing his pleas, I told my friend to leave him. On the other hand I said, if this is his first mistake then this is the time to teach him a lesson - we should inform his boss about this and should not pay, because if he is penalised he will remember this mistake and never repeat it..
But then again our forgiving nature struck us;we gave in saying this money would not affect us but would make a lot of difference to the delivery boy, so finally paid for that pizza.
What I haven't been able to decide is whether we did the right thing that evening. Should we have been humane and paid for it or been rational and taught him a lesson?
What do you feel?
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